In my last blog, which was quite some time ago, I was all about exploring my vulnerability. You’ll be happy to know that I’m over it now. I’ve learned that vulnerability is perfectly fine when one is alone. Add other people and you have to be tough. By it’s very definition vulnerability makes you “susceptible […]
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Tough is the New Black
Growing up with a violent mother with mental illness made me tough. Her goal was to break me, bend me to her will so I’d “grow up right.” She didn’t realize that she had to act like she loved me too. In order to protect myself, I stood my ground emotionally. No matter what she […]
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Truth and Lies
A few years ago a very good friend of mine had a party. Before I arrived she had asked a number of guests, “Do these pants make me look fat?” All of them replied “NO, not at all!” The minute I walked through the door, my friend accosted me with the question. I turned her […]
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Curveballs
One thing is certain. There is no certainty in life. I should have learned that lesson back in 2013, when even my own body betrayed me. Still, I go on trusting that life will be reasonable, people will be worthy of my trust, and I will live happily ever after, despite the fact that this […]
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2014
Goodbye 2013! You were hell-ish. During your reign, I scored 311 on the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, where “Over 300” is the top category of stress. The surgery, that stripped me of my breasts, the wound complications that required me to spend six weeks, 24/7 on a wound vac,the six months of chemotherapy that wiped […]
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But first…Magumba
This is me after my final round of chemo. Unfortunately, after six months of treatment, there is no way to know for sure that there are no cancer cells. We can spend one billion dollars to make a telescope that can see through space to the beginning of time but there is no instrument that […]
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Chemo – Round 5
After having lived through five of the scheduled eight chemotherapy treatments, I’m fairly convinced that no amount of nausea, diarrhea, fatigue, hair loss, or allergies to things I’ve never been allergic to before are going to kill me. I know this because each time I go for a treatment, which lasts up to five hours, […]
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Round 2 – The Ultimate Cure for Split Ends
The more cancer takes away from me, the more creative I have to be to find things to be grateful for. For instance, I now appreciate that my ears are nice and flat and I’m relieved to know that I don’t have a lumpy head. Nobody has called me sir yet, so that’s good, and […]
Continue reading8 ROUNDS – Round 1: Pretend to be Somebody Else
It takes time to wrap your head around the idea of baring your veins to a killer that will slowly slay your living cells one by one. So, for my first day of chemotherapy I thought it might be helpful to pretend to be somebody else. Thankfully, I didn’t have to rely solely on mind […]
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I know I’ve been remiss but sometimes a girl has to retreat into a solitary hole and lick her wounds. No, not literally; actually I have this machine to do that for me now. What I’ve really been doing is locking myself in my office playing Angry Birds. Now that I’ve completed all levels and […]
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